“Love does not insist on its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5). What a beautiful concept to reflect on. Emphasis on reflect. When it comes time to act upon this truth and apply it to our lives, it often feels far less beautiful. The desire for our own way is deeply embedded in the fabric of our fallen nature. Since the fall, selfishness has been humanity’s default orientation.
Our enemy is cunning. He influences us to rationalize why our preferences are not only reasonable but also right, righteous, and even best. For example, consider choosing personal rest or entertainment over engaging with our children or supporting our husbands. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 31:27, “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” While rest is essential, prioritizing comfort at the expense of our family’s well-being can lead to neglect.
Or what about pursuing personal ambitions or career goals at the expense of our roles as wives and mothers? This can leave our husbands and children feeling unsupported, overlooked, or dragged along as we check off items on our to-do lists. Titus 2:4-5 reminds us that women can and should have ambitions, but they are called to balance these ambitions with their God-given roles.
We often mask selfish motives with noble-sounding intentions. Alfred Lawson once said, “Selfishness is the root of all evil; eradicate selfishness from humanity, and the earth will be heaven.” It’s a simple concept, but why do we find it so difficult to stop insisting on our own way?
There are two key reasons:
1. Selfishness is deeply rooted in pride. It takes a miracle for a proud heart—one whose selfishness infects every area of life—to become truly humble.
2. Trusting others is hard. We are well aware of our own selfish tendencies, and they make us wary of trusting the motives of those around us.
So how do we persevere and overcome this tendency to insist on our own way? While none of us will be perfect, I’ve found three practices that help me align my preferences with God’s mission for my life and family.
1. Start with Prayer and Surrender
Each morning, I dedicate the day to the Lord and ask Him to guide my heart. I pray for clarity and strength to see where my personal preferences might be interfering with His will. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us to bring everything to God in prayer, promising peace in return.
For me, this often begins with a simple breath prayer upon waking: “Lord, show me where my preferences need to shift to honor You.” It’s a small but powerful way to surrender the day to Him.
2. Reevaluate and Prioritize Your Time
Reflect on how you spend your time and energy. Are your choices aligning with God’s will for your family? Ephesians 5:15-17 calls us to be wise stewards of our time, making the most of every opportunity to live for His glory.
I’ve found that using a planner or time-blocking method helps me ensure that daily non-negotiables—like prayer, Bible study, family meals, or intentional time with my husband and children—are prioritized. Even small adjustments, like swapping screen time for a family devotional, can make a significant difference.
3. Cultivate a Servant-Hearted Mindset
View your roles as a wife and mother not as obligations but as opportunities to serve in love. Colossians 3:23-24 reminds us, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” When we approach daily tasks with gratitude, they become acts of worship.
Before making decisions, I’ve learned to ask myself: “Is this serving my family and glorifying God, or is it serving my own desires?” Start with small choices—like reading with your children instead of scrolling your phone or letting your husband choose the evening activity rather than insisting on your preference.
These practices have not made me blameless, nor have they made me immune to selfishness. But they have helped me realign my heart and actions with God’s design for my family. Through them, I’ve experienced the peace and joy that come from living according to His priorities.
I pray these insights encourage you to lean into God’s grace and surrender your preferences to Him. May we all strive to love as He loves, choosing His mission over our own desires.